A New Diagnosis & Perhaps A New Plan
The latest developments in my struggle against my disease is that it has been determined that I have a mood disorder in addtion to depression. I realize that this might be confusing (since it was confusing to me). I always thought that depression was a mood disorder. Depression does affect mood, but a mood disorder is somewhat different in that it involves extreme changes in mood, such as manic depression (now called bi-polar). Although I do not suffer from bi-polar (and far from it! I never clean the house till 3am in the morning. I'm lucky if I clean the house at all), I do have some of the characteristics and symptoms of it. My thoughts often change quickly from one subject to another (this is known as racing thoughts). Sometimes I find myself able to have sex a number of times a day, but then my mood changes and I can go weeks without really feeling in the mood. I have found myself very talkative at times (where I guess I talk too much but never really noticed).
Now I have started taking a mood stabilizer called Lamictal, 25mg a day to start. I also take Cymbalta, 30mg 3 times a day, for depression. In addition, I also take enteric coated fish oil pills with Omega 3. It seems that a high enough dosage of fish oil with Omega 3 (about 6000mg) reduces impulsive anger. Plus it helps my heart and cholesterol level, not that they are in need of help but it can't hurt. Along with a change in medicine, I also have other changes. I have been thinking of pursuing a Master's degree. This would help me to make even more money and lift my self esteem, if I decide to pursue it. I have my fake transcript all set to send to the school. I'm going to stick to what I know best, which is business.
It's all just reading and business theory. Basically, a bunch of crap (in my opinion). The reason why I think it is crap is because when you look at any super successful businessman, did they get their success by learning all of this? Take Bill Gates for example, he dropped out of Harvard to start Microsoft, "borrowed" the idea for Windows from the dudes who created Apple Computers, and now he is a billionaire. So my question is, how did he get so successful if he didn't sit through hours of business classes, such as Business Ethics? I don't get it. I think getting a degree in Business will get you a job, but it won't get you "ahead" in life. If you want to be rich, you need to think and do as Bill Gates. He saw an opportunity and he took it (literally). Perhaps what it really comes down to is being in the right place at the right time.
I wish I was that lucky. Usually I am in the wrong place at the wrong time. I never really feel lucky or blessed. I pretty much go through life feeling cursed and even hated by God. When you are imprisoned by depression and self doubt, it's hard to feel loved. I guess life is what we make of it but it is hard to make something of it when you don't feel like it. Everything is based on what we feel we can do, not just what we can do. I may be able to finish school, but if I don't feel I can finish then I won't and it reinforces my feeling that I can not do anything. What I need is a little sign from above showing me that I can be a success, and then I will believe in myself. I realize it doesn't work that way, but that is what I need and why life is so tough for me. Not everyone knows who they are or what direction to take or even cares. What these people need is assistance so that they can accomplish what others accomplish who do not have this disadvantage. This disadvantage is the equivalent of a child of an impoverished family wanting to go to college. Is it fair to say, "No you can not go to college because you are poor. Tough cookies". Of course it's not fair, so programs are set up to help so that everyone can go to college and not worry about not having the money to pay for it (and these days with the price of college, who does have the money to pay for it?).
Right now I have been considering talking to a lawyer about filing a lawsuit against the college I went to and where I was not able to finish. The school is responsible for seeing that every student has an equal opportunity and I was not given that opportunity so I would like a full refund. I was not given what I paid for. I plan to keep contacting the college till I get some answers. I will not give up on this because I believe it makes perfect sense.
Now I have started taking a mood stabilizer called Lamictal, 25mg a day to start. I also take Cymbalta, 30mg 3 times a day, for depression. In addition, I also take enteric coated fish oil pills with Omega 3. It seems that a high enough dosage of fish oil with Omega 3 (about 6000mg) reduces impulsive anger. Plus it helps my heart and cholesterol level, not that they are in need of help but it can't hurt. Along with a change in medicine, I also have other changes. I have been thinking of pursuing a Master's degree. This would help me to make even more money and lift my self esteem, if I decide to pursue it. I have my fake transcript all set to send to the school. I'm going to stick to what I know best, which is business.
It's all just reading and business theory. Basically, a bunch of crap (in my opinion). The reason why I think it is crap is because when you look at any super successful businessman, did they get their success by learning all of this? Take Bill Gates for example, he dropped out of Harvard to start Microsoft, "borrowed" the idea for Windows from the dudes who created Apple Computers, and now he is a billionaire. So my question is, how did he get so successful if he didn't sit through hours of business classes, such as Business Ethics? I don't get it. I think getting a degree in Business will get you a job, but it won't get you "ahead" in life. If you want to be rich, you need to think and do as Bill Gates. He saw an opportunity and he took it (literally). Perhaps what it really comes down to is being in the right place at the right time.
I wish I was that lucky. Usually I am in the wrong place at the wrong time. I never really feel lucky or blessed. I pretty much go through life feeling cursed and even hated by God. When you are imprisoned by depression and self doubt, it's hard to feel loved. I guess life is what we make of it but it is hard to make something of it when you don't feel like it. Everything is based on what we feel we can do, not just what we can do. I may be able to finish school, but if I don't feel I can finish then I won't and it reinforces my feeling that I can not do anything. What I need is a little sign from above showing me that I can be a success, and then I will believe in myself. I realize it doesn't work that way, but that is what I need and why life is so tough for me. Not everyone knows who they are or what direction to take or even cares. What these people need is assistance so that they can accomplish what others accomplish who do not have this disadvantage. This disadvantage is the equivalent of a child of an impoverished family wanting to go to college. Is it fair to say, "No you can not go to college because you are poor. Tough cookies". Of course it's not fair, so programs are set up to help so that everyone can go to college and not worry about not having the money to pay for it (and these days with the price of college, who does have the money to pay for it?).
Right now I have been considering talking to a lawyer about filing a lawsuit against the college I went to and where I was not able to finish. The school is responsible for seeing that every student has an equal opportunity and I was not given that opportunity so I would like a full refund. I was not given what I paid for. I plan to keep contacting the college till I get some answers. I will not give up on this because I believe it makes perfect sense.
posted by Conundrum of My Mind at 2/21/2006 11:38:00 AM
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