Fraud Is Such An Ugly Word

The next stage that I was about to set in motion some might consider unethical, while some might find it a brilliant solution. In actuality, what I was planning to do next was done only out of desperation and frustration with a heartless, uncaring system. Even more simply, I didn't know what else to do.

With stage one in motion, and friends of mine covering as former employers to reflect a more stable job history, the next stage was to give myself a degree. I had heard about fake degrees over the Internet and decided to do a little investigating to see what they were all about. I found a great site (I will refrain from mentioning the name of the site since I am not here to promote or advertise these kinds of sites) where I could order the paper for the degree, the security paper for the transcript, and a "template" that helps you set up the wording. After making necessary name changes, you print it out on your printer, and voila! You are instantly a college graduate and all for just forty dollars. Of course I actually did go to school for seven years so I think my "ol' college try" (please excuse the pun, it is hard to resist) at college should count for something.

Most employers will contact the school while doing background checks to verify your information. I managed a way to get around that which, unfortunately, is a secret I can not divulge for the simple reason that a magician can not reveal all his secrets (and no, not because I want to sell the secret to you for 24.95). I also do not want to encourage actions of this nature. Let's just say that the college I "graduated" from is not an Ivy League school. I do feel that education is important and young people thinking of going to college should go and really divest all of your time and effort into it. I know I did. I really wanted to graduate, it's just that I became "lost" and no one bothered to look for me. I wouldn't be surprised if some readers don't fully understand what I went through and think that I just copped out or that I am just lazy. Well, you would be wrong because mental illness (and coupled with chronic low self-esteem) is not being lazy, it's being ill. There used to be a well-known statement: No child left behind (unless of course you are paying for college and then nobody gives a crap).

Let's face it, it's a dog eat dog world so I did what I had to do. If hiring managers are heartless and corporations are heartless, why should I feel bad? Besides, it's a win win situation. I get a job which pays much better than the entry level one I would've hated which helps the company because my morale is certainly higher. I had low paying jobs in the past working retail and I couldn't give a sh*t about proper procedure. I would work at the register and if the item the customer was buying didn't get scanned by the register, it's their lucky day! Into the bag the item went, regardless. I would even tell the customers that if I missed something, I'm not going to worry about it but if they want they can go to customer service and let the store know that the item didn't get scanned and wasn't paid for. On a side note: strangely, not one custmomer seemed to mind getting their "lucky day".

With fake degree in hand (figuratively speaking of course) and phony job history, off I went. I felt like a new man and, as far as my resume was concerned, I was a new man. One other factor that helped was that I relocated to another part of the United States. I married (now divorced), and my wife and I moved. The move was actually because my wife wanted to start a business of her own and she thought that the new locale would be a great place for it. Things didn't quite work out so well and we never started the business. We found jobs in the mean time and I even became manager of a retail business. I wasn't real crazy about it because it didn't pay very well and there were no benefits. Times were tough for us and the marriage started to fall apart. She (my ex wife) had quite a temper at times and she had trouble controlling her anger. She would lose control and at times I would get punched in my head, face, back, probably elsewhere too but I can't recall. I lost count as to how many times it happened. Eventually I fell into deep depression and began to fall out of love with her. I didn't let her know because I didn't want to go back to New Jersey to live, there was nothing for me there, and I needed her income to stay. My plan was to try to find a job that paid enough that I could support myself on, and then move away from her and file for divorce.

There isn't much written about "battered husband syndrome" but I can tell you I am still feeling the effects a year after her and I went separate ways. After we mutually agreed things weren't working out we both decided to get a divorce. She went her way and I went mine, and we still keep in touch through e-mail. She is not a bad person, she just needs help. She would tell me after her rage would dissipate, that I need to know how to calm her down. I would think to myself, "Isn't that her responsibility? What am I supposed to do? Sprinkle pixie dust or wave a magic wand to make her anger go away?"

I struggled for a spell, had some part time jobs, even attempted suicide but didn't tell anyone and eventually managed to land a position with a Fortune 500 company. I make about 50,000 dollars a year. Not bad for someone who didn't finish college and the longest I held a job before this one was 6 months. At times, though, I still wish I had that "passion" for something that others seem to have. I would love to know what that feeling is like. To know what you want to do, pursue it, start doing it, and love what you do. It must be a great feeling.