Learning the Hard Way
As I stated in my previous posts, my brother tends to have fits of uncontrollable rage. I wish I knew what triggers these fits. He has attacked me many, many times through the years, with the most recent attack on me in 1999. I know that with me his anger stems from jealousy (I hate to brag but I am much more physically attactive than him and I have a nicer personality) but he has lost his temper and gotten violent with others, sometimes even erupting at his workplace. As far as work goes for my brother he primarily does bluecollar work. He never went to college, but he did try community college for one day. Not much of a try but he did try. When he was tested he didn't score high enough in math so he was told he had to take a remedial math course.
I'll never forget that day. My father and I went to pick him up at the school and he seemed visibly upset. My father asked him in a nice way if something was wrong and, with much annoyance in his voice, my brother started relating to us about his low test score, the remedial math class that he has no choice in taking, and how he doesn't want to take it (I really don't understand why he would get so upset. After all Einstein didn't do that well in math either). So my father tried to keep him calm but my brother didn't want to hear it and when we were back behind the school, BaBoom! my brother lost it! His books and papers went flying in the air. I started picking up my brother's papers while my dad tried to console my brother as he was crying and carrying on over basically nothing. To see an 18 year old behave this way was quite disturbing but I wasn't surprised. I knew that when he got upset, the possibility for him to explode is quite certain. Even as my father talked to him, I grew very anxious. My brother always produced anxiety in me when he would get upset over something. Back then I even feared (call it paranoia perhaps) that one day he might just get a gun and kill all of us. I didn't know what to think. I don't feel that way now since I have seen some changes (minor changes, but none the less they are still changes).
As of August of 2005, my brother disappointed me once again. Last year in April my mother tried to commit suicide by overdosing, but then she had second thoughts, I guess, and called 911. She was taken to the local hospital and kept till she discharged herself. While there they took her off all her medicine and didn't put her back on anything. My mother suffers from a schizoaffective disorder. She tends to hear voices in her head and starts acting really strange. Not to mention she gets really nasty with people and, the only way to describe it, she starts acting like an as*hole. She will insult you and try to start an argument. She doesn't know what she is doing but it is very annoying (I grew up with the behavior) and can make people very angry. Not to mention very frustrated. My dad would try so hard to get her to sign herself into a mental hospital but she resisted, saying that there is nothing wrong with her. That it is the doctors and my father that have something wrong with them. This continued on and off for a few decades. There were times when she was just downright mean to all of us for no reason. I dreaded when she started to act odd because this meant that she was about to begin another "episode", and I really started to hate her. However, it wasn't her that I hated when she was like this, it was the illness that I hated.
This latest time, my brother was on his own in handling the situation since I live 1500 miles away and I didn't envy him at all. I doubted he was mature enough to handle the situation there; my gut telling me that something is going to go horribly wrong. My gut was unfortunately correct. I could tell just speaking to my mom on the phone that her behavior was irratic. Why her doctor didn't have her on any medicine I will never understand. Perhaps she was able to "fool" him. I found my moms strange behavior to be quite evident, and I don't even have a pHd in psychiatry. I would also talk to my brother on the phone to see how he was holding up and he would tell me of mom's odd behavior. He told me she was having conversations with no one else in the room and later on he told me that she also said things that insulted him. The mean behavior had begun but I was not aware of it at the time. I could tell that my brother was having difficulty handling her odd behavior. The thing about my brother is that he lacks patience and sympathy for others. It's almost like he doesn't see her as being ill but that this is her true nature, insults and all. I don't know why he would relate to her this way but he did. Everything she did and said just ate away at him. Plus on top of everything else, my aunt (my mom's sister) and her daughter (my cousin) would call my brother to tell him how strange my mom is acting. Later on he told me that they didn't even bother to ask how he was doing. Although my brother tends to put his own needs first before anyone elses, I think that my aunt and cousins should have showed at least a little concern for him (it's still not an excuse for what eventually happened).
I guess my brother felt under pressure from my aunt and my cousin calling to report my mother's odd behavior. I would too if I had to deal with that and come home to a crazy person everyday. I would also be depressed as well. The difference is, I would talk out my feelings with someone and seek out help. My brother tends to keep everything inside and blow things out of proporsion. He often lacks common sense. For example, if my mother isn't preparing dinner for him because she doesn't want to do it, then he can make something himself or just go somewhere and buy something. Instead he takes it to heart and it tends to get him angry. To be honest, a man his age shouldn't be relying on his mother to make his meals and do things for him. He is a big boy now. At some point in August of last year things just boiled over and my brother exploded again. He lost his cool over something my mother said and he attacked her. From what I can gather, these were th events leading up to the assault: my brother was on the phone talking to a pharmacist trying to find out the price of my mom's medicine (which she either wasn't really taking or wasn't working) and my mom was being very argumentative which is a common symptom of mental illness. She apparently didn't want to pay the price quoted over the phone so my brother grew increasingly frustrated with her. It was not at this point when he lost his cool but either later that day or the next day when she said something to him that set him off. It still is not exactly clear to me what it was that set him off but I do know that he was in the living room doing what he always does, reading the newspaper (one of his favorite activities). As she was walking down the hallway with her back to him she said something to him whereupon he leaped up out of the chair yelling, "I can't take it anymore"! He then ran down the hall and hit my mom from behind. She fell to the floor and he started punching her uncontrollably as a child might do. She yelled out, "You're going to kill me"! and it was at that point he stopped his assault. He then asked her if he could get her an ice pack but she said, "The Hell with you" and ran to a neighbor's house for help. The police were also called and I am assuming he was arrested. My mother also has a restraining order against him and he is not allowed to go home. Eventually my brother had to appear in court.
He called me after afterwards. He was staying in a motel in a town nearby till he could find a place to rent. I could tell he was upset and sad about what he did but at the same time he would say that he is the victim, not my mom. Even I can not believe he would say something like that. My brother doesn't even realize how lucky he was that he didn't end up in jail but I told him that he could have ended up there. My mom could have pressed charges. She had a bump on her head and two black eyes. I decided that I would go home to visit her for Christmas (2005). Unbeknownst to her, I also was also planning to get her into a mental hospital because I could tell from our conversations on the phone that she was not well (apparently her stupid doctor thought she was fine). I had no idea how exactly I was going to do this but I guess I thought I would figure something out once I got home. Once I got home I could see she was a mess. She would talk a mile a minute and change conversational topics before I could get 3 words out. She was manic. She had always been an expert at baking cookies but the Christmas cookies she made this time were all misshapen and a little burnt (on a side note, I still ate them because I love chocolate chip. I didn't get sick so I guess no poison in them).
The big question was how was I going to get her to admit herself into the hospital? As it were a stroke of luck came my way. Christmas Eve she stayed up all night and claimed she had diarrhea. Early Christmas morning she started knocking franticly on my bedroom door. She said that I need to take her to the emergency room since she was up all night with diarrhea. She was afraid of getting dehydrated. I didn't even shower and I knew this was the opportunity I was waiting for. After the emergency room doctor and nurse spoke with her (and both of whom my mom was very rude to), an emergency room nurse brought her to a room while I stayed behind to have a little chat with the doc. I explained the whole situation to the emergency room doctor and she said that a counselor will come talk with my mom to evaluate her. At my request, they also would make sure my mom isn't aware that it was I who asked for my mom to be psychologically evaluated (my mom tends to harbor resentment against anyone who has here sent to the hospital, even after she gets better). I also asked to speak to the counselor first so I can explain what has been happening. A number of hours later, the counselor spoke to me and then went to evaluate my mother. After about 10 or 15 minutes only, the counselor came back over to me to say that she can see that my mother is mentally ill and is going to have the hospital psychiatrist have a chat with her. The psychiatrist evaluated her as well and determined that she needs to be hospitalized in a mental hospital, just as I suspected. I was so relieved. She was going to finally get the proper help she should have gotten earlier that year. I visited my mom before I had to return to my home state since my vacation time was ending. I also kept in touch with her nurse so I could be informed of her progress.
As for my brother, he was ordered by the court to go to therapy for his anger and I felt it was about freaking time. How many years I had to endure his violent attacks and insults. I feel he should also be on medication. My parents didn't think much of my opinion that there was something seriously wrong with my brother, but my mom learned the hard way unfortunately. After my mom was released and determined to be well again by the mental hospital, I called her and she did seem better. She also apologized to me and said that she should have listened to my warnings about my brother's anger.
I'll never forget that day. My father and I went to pick him up at the school and he seemed visibly upset. My father asked him in a nice way if something was wrong and, with much annoyance in his voice, my brother started relating to us about his low test score, the remedial math class that he has no choice in taking, and how he doesn't want to take it (I really don't understand why he would get so upset. After all Einstein didn't do that well in math either). So my father tried to keep him calm but my brother didn't want to hear it and when we were back behind the school, BaBoom! my brother lost it! His books and papers went flying in the air. I started picking up my brother's papers while my dad tried to console my brother as he was crying and carrying on over basically nothing. To see an 18 year old behave this way was quite disturbing but I wasn't surprised. I knew that when he got upset, the possibility for him to explode is quite certain. Even as my father talked to him, I grew very anxious. My brother always produced anxiety in me when he would get upset over something. Back then I even feared (call it paranoia perhaps) that one day he might just get a gun and kill all of us. I didn't know what to think. I don't feel that way now since I have seen some changes (minor changes, but none the less they are still changes).
As of August of 2005, my brother disappointed me once again. Last year in April my mother tried to commit suicide by overdosing, but then she had second thoughts, I guess, and called 911. She was taken to the local hospital and kept till she discharged herself. While there they took her off all her medicine and didn't put her back on anything. My mother suffers from a schizoaffective disorder. She tends to hear voices in her head and starts acting really strange. Not to mention she gets really nasty with people and, the only way to describe it, she starts acting like an as*hole. She will insult you and try to start an argument. She doesn't know what she is doing but it is very annoying (I grew up with the behavior) and can make people very angry. Not to mention very frustrated. My dad would try so hard to get her to sign herself into a mental hospital but she resisted, saying that there is nothing wrong with her. That it is the doctors and my father that have something wrong with them. This continued on and off for a few decades. There were times when she was just downright mean to all of us for no reason. I dreaded when she started to act odd because this meant that she was about to begin another "episode", and I really started to hate her. However, it wasn't her that I hated when she was like this, it was the illness that I hated.
This latest time, my brother was on his own in handling the situation since I live 1500 miles away and I didn't envy him at all. I doubted he was mature enough to handle the situation there; my gut telling me that something is going to go horribly wrong. My gut was unfortunately correct. I could tell just speaking to my mom on the phone that her behavior was irratic. Why her doctor didn't have her on any medicine I will never understand. Perhaps she was able to "fool" him. I found my moms strange behavior to be quite evident, and I don't even have a pHd in psychiatry. I would also talk to my brother on the phone to see how he was holding up and he would tell me of mom's odd behavior. He told me she was having conversations with no one else in the room and later on he told me that she also said things that insulted him. The mean behavior had begun but I was not aware of it at the time. I could tell that my brother was having difficulty handling her odd behavior. The thing about my brother is that he lacks patience and sympathy for others. It's almost like he doesn't see her as being ill but that this is her true nature, insults and all. I don't know why he would relate to her this way but he did. Everything she did and said just ate away at him. Plus on top of everything else, my aunt (my mom's sister) and her daughter (my cousin) would call my brother to tell him how strange my mom is acting. Later on he told me that they didn't even bother to ask how he was doing. Although my brother tends to put his own needs first before anyone elses, I think that my aunt and cousins should have showed at least a little concern for him (it's still not an excuse for what eventually happened).
I guess my brother felt under pressure from my aunt and my cousin calling to report my mother's odd behavior. I would too if I had to deal with that and come home to a crazy person everyday. I would also be depressed as well. The difference is, I would talk out my feelings with someone and seek out help. My brother tends to keep everything inside and blow things out of proporsion. He often lacks common sense. For example, if my mother isn't preparing dinner for him because she doesn't want to do it, then he can make something himself or just go somewhere and buy something. Instead he takes it to heart and it tends to get him angry. To be honest, a man his age shouldn't be relying on his mother to make his meals and do things for him. He is a big boy now. At some point in August of last year things just boiled over and my brother exploded again. He lost his cool over something my mother said and he attacked her. From what I can gather, these were th events leading up to the assault: my brother was on the phone talking to a pharmacist trying to find out the price of my mom's medicine (which she either wasn't really taking or wasn't working) and my mom was being very argumentative which is a common symptom of mental illness. She apparently didn't want to pay the price quoted over the phone so my brother grew increasingly frustrated with her. It was not at this point when he lost his cool but either later that day or the next day when she said something to him that set him off. It still is not exactly clear to me what it was that set him off but I do know that he was in the living room doing what he always does, reading the newspaper (one of his favorite activities). As she was walking down the hallway with her back to him she said something to him whereupon he leaped up out of the chair yelling, "I can't take it anymore"! He then ran down the hall and hit my mom from behind. She fell to the floor and he started punching her uncontrollably as a child might do. She yelled out, "You're going to kill me"! and it was at that point he stopped his assault. He then asked her if he could get her an ice pack but she said, "The Hell with you" and ran to a neighbor's house for help. The police were also called and I am assuming he was arrested. My mother also has a restraining order against him and he is not allowed to go home. Eventually my brother had to appear in court.
He called me after afterwards. He was staying in a motel in a town nearby till he could find a place to rent. I could tell he was upset and sad about what he did but at the same time he would say that he is the victim, not my mom. Even I can not believe he would say something like that. My brother doesn't even realize how lucky he was that he didn't end up in jail but I told him that he could have ended up there. My mom could have pressed charges. She had a bump on her head and two black eyes. I decided that I would go home to visit her for Christmas (2005). Unbeknownst to her, I also was also planning to get her into a mental hospital because I could tell from our conversations on the phone that she was not well (apparently her stupid doctor thought she was fine). I had no idea how exactly I was going to do this but I guess I thought I would figure something out once I got home. Once I got home I could see she was a mess. She would talk a mile a minute and change conversational topics before I could get 3 words out. She was manic. She had always been an expert at baking cookies but the Christmas cookies she made this time were all misshapen and a little burnt (on a side note, I still ate them because I love chocolate chip. I didn't get sick so I guess no poison in them).
The big question was how was I going to get her to admit herself into the hospital? As it were a stroke of luck came my way. Christmas Eve she stayed up all night and claimed she had diarrhea. Early Christmas morning she started knocking franticly on my bedroom door. She said that I need to take her to the emergency room since she was up all night with diarrhea. She was afraid of getting dehydrated. I didn't even shower and I knew this was the opportunity I was waiting for. After the emergency room doctor and nurse spoke with her (and both of whom my mom was very rude to), an emergency room nurse brought her to a room while I stayed behind to have a little chat with the doc. I explained the whole situation to the emergency room doctor and she said that a counselor will come talk with my mom to evaluate her. At my request, they also would make sure my mom isn't aware that it was I who asked for my mom to be psychologically evaluated (my mom tends to harbor resentment against anyone who has here sent to the hospital, even after she gets better). I also asked to speak to the counselor first so I can explain what has been happening. A number of hours later, the counselor spoke to me and then went to evaluate my mother. After about 10 or 15 minutes only, the counselor came back over to me to say that she can see that my mother is mentally ill and is going to have the hospital psychiatrist have a chat with her. The psychiatrist evaluated her as well and determined that she needs to be hospitalized in a mental hospital, just as I suspected. I was so relieved. She was going to finally get the proper help she should have gotten earlier that year. I visited my mom before I had to return to my home state since my vacation time was ending. I also kept in touch with her nurse so I could be informed of her progress.
As for my brother, he was ordered by the court to go to therapy for his anger and I felt it was about freaking time. How many years I had to endure his violent attacks and insults. I feel he should also be on medication. My parents didn't think much of my opinion that there was something seriously wrong with my brother, but my mom learned the hard way unfortunately. After my mom was released and determined to be well again by the mental hospital, I called her and she did seem better. She also apologized to me and said that she should have listened to my warnings about my brother's anger.
posted by Conundrum of My Mind at 5/19/2006 11:01:00 AM
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